Phone plan NOT a part of Parenting Plan

You are an alternate residential parent in the State of Tennessee and are paying for your son or daughter's wireless phone and data plan. The other parent becomes irritated at you and destroys or confiscates the phone, claiming authority to do so as the primary residential parent. Where is the law on this? And what, if any, recourse do you have?

Many of you have seen the form parenting plan published at tncourts.gov and required in divorce cases throughout our state. You may also be aware of divorce forms approved by the Supreme Court of Tennessee (now available with or without children) that are user friendly and streamline the process for divorcing spouses who cannot afford an attorney and who can agree on divorce terms, including terms of a Parenting Plan.

Key elements of a Tennessee Parenting Plan (available online) are:

1. Residential parenting schedule, including designation of a primary residential parent. Includes holidays, school breaks, summer schedule, Christmas and New Year schedule, etc.
2. Authority as to major decisions regarding a child: Educational, non-emergency health care, religious upbringing, and educational activities. Check boxes are included for "mother", "father", and "joint".
3. Financial support - Child support pursuant to state guidelines, federal income tax exemption, health and dental insurance for the child, and life insurance.
4. Dispute resolution procedure in case there are future disagreements. Options are mediation, arbitration, or return immediately to court.
5. Rights of parents a/k/a non-custodial rights. These apply when the child or children are spending time with the other parent. I.e. telephone calls, sending mail, access to medical and school records, and participation in school and extracurricular activities.
6. Legal notice requirements regarding parental relocation.
7. Requirement of parent education class.

By law, Parenting Plans encourage both parents to maintain a loving, stable, and nurturing relationship with the child. The standard for allocation of parenting responsibilities is the best interests of the child or children - served by maintaining emotional growth, health and stability, and physical care.

Formal parenting plans as described here are only legally required in divorces. However, juvenile courts are authorized to incorporate the parenting plan process. In Davidson County, most cases involving unwed parents (locally referred to as "parentage" cases) are heard by a juvenile court magistrate. Our juvenile court has done well in utilizing the parenting plan form. Nashville Conflict Resolution Center (NCRC) is a big asset to our juvenile court and is also to be commended for its usage of parenting plan forms in its mediations.

But back to our topic: Notice that nothing above refers to a phone other than the requirement for availability of phone contact for the other parent. "Extras" such as expensive wireless phones, vehicles, vacation destinations, and birthday and Christmas gifts are not covered and are not a part of child support calculation. There is a fill-in-the-blank special provisions section in the parenting plan form that could, in theory, cover some of the aforementioned topics. But continued co-parenting dialogue is important for a child's welfare. Many parents seem to avoid each other like the plague once they are no longer together, either as a married couple or as a parenting couple. But they would do well to talk now and again for the benefit of their child - whether or not required to do so by law or by court order.

The upshot is that the parent who is paying for a smartphone device and the time spent with such a device has ownership over it. As you might imagine, deliberately destroying a smartphone is subject to civil or criminal consequences, police reports, you get the picture. But if I want to talk to my son or daughter, it would be nice if he or she had a working smartphone in his or her possession. If I want him or her to do well in school, a laptop computer, tablet, etc. might make for a great gift idea. Travel is generally viewed as good for a young person.

Sometimes one parent is rich while the other one leaves the relationship in an undesirable position financially (discussions about alimony are for another day and don't apply in unwed custody situations anyway). Jealousy is never a good thing. Neither is animosity. Regardless of the situation or circumstances, take some time to talk to the other parent of your child before anger flares up. Do not vent frustration or animosity regarding the other parent at the expense of your child.

And DON'T take it out on the smartphone.